


Once Upon a December

by DearLazerBunny



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anastasia AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 23:03:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17130386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearLazerBunny/pseuds/DearLazerBunny
Summary: Requested by anon, who wanted a Kylo Anastasia AU to go along with my Poe one. Not as long as the other, but I hope you enjoy anyways!





	Once Upon a December

As a fist flies towards your face, you dodge and roll to the right, back on your feet before your opponent has time to blink. You aim a wicked kick to the back of his knees, crumpling him to the ground, and you’re on top of him in an instant, pinning down his arms so he can’t land another hit. Unfortunately, he’s strong enough to flip himself over, even with you on his back, slamming you onto the floor.

You wince, but wearily get back up, knowing he won’t let up until he’s beaten or you’re unconscious. When he comes at you again, you decide to take the defensive, blocking his moves with bruised forearms and the occasional duck and cover. Goddamn he’s fast. But nobody’s perfect- and even Master Ren has weaknesses, few as they may be. Your body is screaming at you to end this sparring match, and fast, so you duck under his arm and snag the lightsaber hanging from his belt and activate it. Red sparks whine into existence as you wave it into a defensive position, effectively blocking him from yourself.

You both pause, breathing hard. Then Ren leans down and taps the mat twice, your signal for tapping out. Internally sighing with relief, you shut the saber off and practically collapse onto the floor, back to the mat, lying in a lovely pool of your own sweat.

“Cheater.” With a flick of his fingers, his lightsaber flies into his hands, and he returns it to his place. “This was hand to hand only.”

“‘Use whatever advantages you might get,’” you quote, not looking up from your resting place. “Or have you forgotten your own golden rule?”

He walks over to you and stands in your line of sight. Two inches closer and you’d practically be looking up his robes. “Not everyone is going to have a lightsaber for you to steal.”

You scoff. “You’re just mad that you had to tap out.”

For a second, he’s quiet, and you think he’ll get angry. But instead, a smile breaks out across his lips, and he offers you a hand. You take it gratefully, slowly rolling onto your feet. “Touché. Go get cleaned up; I’ll see you here same time tomorrow.”

“Ugh.” You work your hair out of its messy ponytail, then wrap it back into a bun on top of your head. “Don’t you have someone your own size to beat up on?”

Ren rolls his eyes. This is a common retort for you, and even though you say it jokingly, part of you does wonder why he chose an apprentice a third his size. “I’ve told you before, you-”

“-have potential, yadda yadda, I know, I know.” You roll your neck and it audibly cracks, making you wince. “Potential to be a sack of ground meat by the time you’re done with me.”

He chuckles and points to the door. “Out. You’ve done plenty for today.”

You obey, a small smile on your face as you aim your battered body for your quarters. A good spar may be something to be proud of, but the thing you love most is making Master Ren laugh.

Not that you’d ever admit it.

…

That night, you’re expecting to sleep like a rock, but instead you toss and turn, restless. You can’t get comfortable, and your dreams are proving to be ruthless. Flashes of smoke and fire couples with the shrill sounds of screams floating in the air. You run and run down corridors crumbling all around you, but you can never seem to escape. That’s the most common nightmare. But you do occasionally have good ones. A blurry face looking down on you from above, singing softly. The intangible feeling of a hug from someone who loved you. Through it all, snatches of a melody too far away to hear properly, but haunts you all the same.

You wonder where they came from. The dreams. Were they real, at one point? Is the lullaby meant for you as a child? Did where you came from burn to ash? Per usual, you have no concrete answers. Whenever you managed to work up the courage to broach the topic with Ren, he always changed the subject or harshly shut you down. Whoever you were, whatever there was before Starkiller, doesn’t matter. This is your calling in life. To fight by Ren’s side, in the name of the First Order.

Not that you really have a problem with this. Despite being your master, you would also call Ren a friend. Not only that, your only friend. You’d defend him with your life, and from the way he’s warmed up to you since your first day meeting, you’re inclined to think he’d do the same. At first, he was always cold, and harsh. Demanding perfection constantly, with little needed to set him off on one of his tirades. But as you got to know him, the less of him you feared. You realized that despite his reputation, he’s quite… human. And you made it your mission to pull that human part to the surface any chance you got.

Thinking of it makes you smile. You remember the first time you made him laugh, and how sweet that sound was. When he came back from a mission bruised and bloodied, and instead of going to medical he knocked on your door and asked you for help instead. When you caught fever and in between unconsciousness, you could see him sitting by your bedside, keeping watch.

Yes, Kylo Ren is a friend. And if you want more than that… well. That’s a road best not travelled down.

Finally, you stand and wrap a coat around your shoulders, intending to take a walk around Base to clear your head. After wandering for the better part of an hour, you end up in one of your favorite spots: the surface of the planet, beneath the base of a pine tree so large it’s jokingly used as target practice by trainee pilots. You settle down into the snow, head against the rough bark, and breathe in the cold air so sharp if feels like it will leave ice crystallizing in your lungs. You like it though. The cold banishes the dreams from whence they came.

You don’t even notice when you start humming that elusive lullaby. It sticks in your head for hours on end, just solid enough to make you wonder about its origins. Who you learned it from. Who sang it to you. It goes nicely with the snowflakes whipping around in the air, so you let the song be, mingling in the night with the stars and the moon.

“Y/N!” At the sound of Kylo’s voice, you’re immediately on alert. He emerges from the trees, cape whipping in the wind like some dramatic super villain. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

You shrug. He never understood your fondness for the cold. “Thinking.”

“About?” He sits beside you with a crunch, and you almost make a jab about him messing up his cape, but you decide to let it lie.

You let a breath hiss into the air. “Where I came from.”

Kylo doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Y/N, you know that-”

“No, that’s the thing, Ren! I don’t know! I don’t know anything!” You rarely lose your temper- that’s Ren’s job- but the lullaby is enough to drive you mad. “You won’t tell me jack shit except that I was drafted in the war to be your apprentice. But-” your voice cracks. “There has to be more than that. There has to be- family. A home planet. Something.” You turn to look at him, hoping all the emotion in your voice isn’t showing on your face. “You’d tell me if you knew something. Right?”

His face is neutral, his eyes scanning yours like he’s looking for something. “Have I ever lied to you?” It’s more a statement than a question, but all the same it makes you deflate into a shiver.

“No.” He hasn’t. Why would he?

…

As Kylo looks at you, he can see tears beginning to form in your eyes, even though you’d never admit it. Damn. This is really weighing on you. Sure, you’ve asked a few times over the years about where you were from, but never this seriously. And he never knew it got to you this much.

Are you not happy here?  Would you rather be out somewhere in the galaxy with the family you never knew? Without him?

The thought makes his heart clench. There, sitting side by side with you beneath the trees, cold wind smarting his face, he can’t deny it- losing you would destroy him. He’s grown fond of you, ever since that first day you came out of your shell and decided to snark back at him. That was when he knew you were a fighter. With some coaching, you could be good enough to fight by his side.

And you are, now. But if you’re not happy…

Kylo gets up, brushing snow off his clothes. “I’ll see what I can do.”

…

The next day, Kylo strides into Hux’s office, not caring if he’s busy or has another meeting. With one look at the officer sitting across from Hux’s desk, he scampers out, leaving him and the General alone.

“I need to know about Y/N.”

Hux raises an eyebrow. “What about her?”

“Where did you find her?”

Surprisingly, Hux doesn’t bite back, just sits down at his desk and begins rifling through files on his digipad. “Ah. Y/N Y/L/N.” She was captured when the First Order overtook Rusija. Apparently she’s the daughter of the former monarch there, and was brought on board Starkiller by mistake. She was slated for execution when you took an interest in her.” He looks up at Kylo. “Does that answer your question?”

Kylo knows about Rusija. The operation commenced before his time, and he’s suddenly furiously glad. “What happened to the family?”

Hux smiles. “Executed, of course.” His face turns suspicious. “Why are you asking? Does she suspect something?”

Kylo shakes his head. “No. She knows nothing. I was just… curious.”

Hux nods. “Good. She was dosed with experimental amnesiac drugs once you decided to keep her; I’m glad to see they’re doing their job.”

 _Oh, stars._ Without warning, Kylo stalks out of the room. They drugged her to forget her past? All because he wanted to train her? He shakes his head. But if he hadn’t picked her up, she’d be dead just like the rest of her family. So this was for the best… right?

…

That night there’s a bang outside Kylo’s door. Angrily, he stalks over to it, throwing it open ready to shout at anyone who dares to interrupt him this late at night-

But stops short, when he sees you on the ground, looking confused and rubbing your forehead.

“Y/N?” Kylo crouches down. “Are you okay?”

“I think so?” You laugh a little, hoping it will cover up your embarrassment. “I think I- I think I ran into the door,” you mumble, trying to piece together what happened.

“You ran into the door,” Kylo says dryly.

“Sleepwalking,” you admit, shrugging your shoulders. “I do it occasionally. I must’ve somehow been aiming for your quarters and-” you stop, gesturing to the welt on your forehead.

Kylo’s eyebrows draw together. Sleepwalking? “Do you need medical?”

“Oh, stars, no, I’ll just-” you try to stand, but wobble on your feet, clutching your head.

“Okay, no, you’re coming with me.” Kylo grabs your elbow and leads you inside his room, setting you on the bed. “I’m getting a washcloth for that bump.”

When you don’t respond, he leaves for the bathroom to wet a cloth for your forehead. When he gets back you’ve laid onto his pillows, eyes closed. “So that was stupid of me,” you say.

“I don’t think you can exactly control sleepwalking.” He drapes the cloth over your forehead and you press it onto the wound gratefully. “Were you… dreaming about anything in particular?”

You sigh. “Fire, screaming, not being able to escape. The usual nightmare fuel.”

“I’m sorry.”

You snort. “It’s not like it’s your fault.” You seem to curl inward on yourself, making you even smaller than you normally are. “Could I… could I stay here tonight?” You murmur. “I don’t really want to be alone.”

You want to stay here? With him? “I- yes.” He nods. “I can sleep on the floor.”

You roll your eyes. “You don’t have to do that, Ren. Seriously, you’ve seen me in much more compromising positions.”

His cheeks flame at your insinuation. “You better not kick in your sleep,” he grumbles, trying to cover up the sudden flare of warmth in his chest.

Another eye roll and a smile as you grab a pillow for yourself and settle down with it on the opposite side of the bed. Kylo carefully lays down on his side, concentrating very hard on not touching you. He falls asleep to your even breathing, faster than he ever does when he’s alone.

He wakes before you in the morning- he’s a much earlier riser than you- and when he opens his eyes he’s shocked to find you curled into his side, your head on his chest. The two of you must have shifted in the night. At first he’s going to wake you, but then… you’re sleeping so peacefully. And after last night, you probably need it. So instead, he slowly works an arm around you shoulders and pulls you in a hair closer, closing his eyes once again.

…

“Get dressed.” A few days later, Kylo comes into your room unannounced while you’re stretching out sore limbs. “We leave in five.”

“Where?” No answer. So you shrug and put on traveling clothes, pack a few necessities, and meet him at his TIE. You strap yourself in expertly; you’re used to being his copilot. As he fiddles with the controls. You can’t help but notice there isn’t a squadron going with you for backup. Must not be a mission then. Then why go off base. “Uh, Ren? Mind telling me where we’re going without assistance?”

“You’ll see when we get there.”

That’s all you get? Well, fine, then. Two can play at that game. You cross your arms and sit back, pouting the entire flight to…wherever. As he nears a planet frosted over in ice, you glance down at your clothes. “Not sure I’m prepared for snow, Ren.”

He fishes around and pulls out a black, fur lined coat, then tosses it at you, barely missing your face. You take it with a huff, but gratefully. As you land, officers are there to greet you, saluting as you disembark and taking the reins of Ren’s TIE to look it over for inspection. You look around. Pine trees covered in icicles, a brisk wind blowing from the north… it’s nice, although other people might think you’re crazy for saying so.

“This is Rusija,” Ren says without looking at you, and you nod. You’ve heard of it.

“It’s pretty.”

He doesn’t respond as he begins marching off to who knows where, and you follow, more than a little annoyed he won’t tell you where you’re going. It’s a long walk through a fairly massive metropolis, all bustling with First Order business. But as you reach the outskirts, the buildings become shacks, the bustle becomes silent streets. It’s a quiet, run down town, with nothing of much importance. You can’t imagine why he’s brought you here, unless you’re here to run down a fugitive they’ve caught wind of.

The few people who are on the streets look at Ren fearfully, but he ignores them, walking right up to a house at the end of the lane and knocking on the door. An old woman answers, a Shaw wrapped around her shoulders. “May I help you?” She seems terrified, but knows enough to stay polite.

“I’d like to speak with you, if you please.” You reel back a little. Ren saying please? Nevertheless, the two of you are invited into the small hut, which a roaring fire is keeping warm. There are chairs, but the two of you stand- Ren out of propriety, yourself out of confusion.

When the old lady has settled back down into her own chair, Ren begins bluntly. “I know who you are,” he says, and though you have no idea what he’s talking about, the lady seems to know exactly what he’s saying. She looks frightened, but also… regal, in a way. Like she will accept her fate.

“Very well. Do what you wish to me.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not here to turn you in. I’ve… I’ve brought you someone.” He stands aside, and you realize the person he’;s talking about is you. You shake your head at him, wondering what he’s getting at, but he gives you a look that says ‘be patient’.

The lady stands, and walks towards you slowly. You stand your ground, not afraid of such a frail woman. But as she gets closer, she seems more and more sure of herself, even going so far as to brush a piece of hair away from your face before you can recoil.

“It can’t be…” she whispers, apparently in disbelief.

You raise an eyebrow. “Someone mind explaining what exactly is going on here?” You ask the two of them. Both are silent.

“Anastasia,” the woman murmurs, and for some reason that name sets off all sorts of alarm bells in your head.

A shiver rolls down your spine, but you try to ignore it. “Sorry, no, my name is Y/N. I don’t know who Anastasia is, but-”

“Where did you find her?” The woman cuts you off, directing the question at Ren.

“The First Order picked her up during the takeover,” he says. “She was dosed with… with amnesiac drugs. She doesn’t remember a thing.”

“I was  _what now_?” You practically shriek, taking a few steps back. “Picked up  _when_?”

Ren looks at you. “When Rusija was taken over by the First Order, the royal family of the planet was decimated. Two people slipped through the cracks. The matriarch of the family,” he nods to the woman still staring at you, “and a granddaughter.”

“And you’re saying that granddaughter is me,” you say in disbelief. Unbelievable. What sort of joke is this?

“Anastasia, my dear,” the woman steps forward, wringing her hands. “I know you must not remember me. But I am your grandmother.” There are tears in her eyes. “Oh, my dear, I never thought I’d see you again. We thought we’d lost you…”

“I’ll leave you two to get acquainted,” Ren says in a rough voice, then steps outside the hut, shutting the door behind him.

‘I- wait! Ren!” You follow him out the door, letting it bang behind you. “What the hell are you doing?”

He stares at you as though the answer is obvious. “Giving you what you wanted. This,” he gestures around, “is where you came from. That woman used to be the crown queen of Rusija. She’s your family.”

His words hit you in the chest, hard, and you feel like you’re about to fall over. “My family,” you repeat, the word unfamiliar on your tongue.

He nods. “I thought you wanted to know.”

“I- I thought I did too.” You look around at unfamiliar surroundings. “But this planet- that woman- are strangers to me. Starkiller is my home.”  You glance at him, trying to gauge his reaction. “You’re my home. You were right, it doesn’t matter where I came from. It matters what I’ve become.”

He looks at you for a long while, his eyes blank. Then he slowly nods, and gestures back the way you came. “Let’s go home, then.”

…

You did tell the woman goodbye, and give her a hug at least. You aren’t cruel. And she seemed to understand how lost you were in that strange new world. Back amongst Starkiller, with its winding corridors and sparring matches with Ren, you feel more like yourself then you ever had.

One such sparring session is taking place late at night, with the both of you working out pent up frustration from the day before. He’s hitting a little harder than usual, but you’re punching right back, not giving him an inch. Eventually, the both of you tap the mat at the same time. A draw.

Hands behind your head, you try to get some air in your lungs as Ren leans against the wall, breathing hard. You look at him. You’ve been practicing the last few weeks, on what to say, but that doesn’t make it much easier.

“Hey.” He looks at you. “I wanted to say… thank you. For taking me to Rusija.” You falter, but forge ahead. “You… didn’t have to do that. But you did. For me. And…” you try not to blush. “It means a lot to me.”

He shrugs. “It was nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing!” You walk over, standing right in front of him. “If I had wanted to stay with that woman, on that planet, would you have let me?”

He tilts his head, considering you. Then nods. “Yes.”

“That’s… stars, Kylo, I can’t even tell you how selfless that is.” A small smile appears on his face. You frown. “What?”

“You called me Kylo.”

“I-” your heart beats to a stop. “Did I? Sorry, Ren, I just-”

“No,” he cuts you off. “It’s okay.”

“Oh.” You look at him. “Well, good.”

“Good.”

The two of you look at each other, neither sure what to say or do next. Then, ever so slowly, you raise up on your toes and give him a soft kiss on the cheek, lingering for a second before pulling away. “Seriously. Thank you,” you whisper.

Another beat. And then you’re both leaning in, meeting in the middle for a heated kiss. His hands immediately wrap around you, resting on your lower back, pulling you into him, and yours run through his hair like you’ve dreamed about doing so many times before. Teeth collide, noses bump- as kisses go, it’s hardly flawless- but the pull in your stomach makes it feel like the most heady thing in the world.

When you pull away, trying to catch your breath, he’s staring at you wide eyed, like he can’t believe that just happened. You put a hand to his cheek. “I never would have left you, you know,” you say softly, and the smile on his face could rival the sun as he goes in to kiss you again.


End file.
